International Widows' Day 2019

It's International Widows' Day.  Truthfully, for widows around the world, every day is widows' day.  Every.  Single.  Day.  

I chose this photo of the beautiful garden gate in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada's Butchart Gardens, because it represents a divide: life and death, before and after, what is visible and invisible.  Almost every widow I know, thinks of her life in terms of before and after the death of their husband or partner.  We can tell you not only the date of death, the exact time as well.  Many (not me, because I don't think in terms of numbers), actually count the days since their husband was alive.  There's even an app for that.  

The gate may also represent the unobtainable, the barriers facing widows around the world - especially, in third world countries.  The United Nations global statistics says that of the world's 258 million widows, one out of ten live in extreme poverty.  They (and their children) are destitute.  

UN Secretary-General Antonio Guterres, says, "women are significantly more likely to suffer poverty in old age than men".  He says, "widowed women's lifetime earnings and savings are often too little to avoid poverty".  The Secretary-General says, that discriminatory inheritance rights, means that women "may be stripped of land, property and even rights and access to their own children".  In some parts of the world, widows are outcast, subjected to violence and sexual abuse, and forced to remarry. 

The UN Secretary-General is asking all of us to reflect on ensuring that widows "are not left behind". 

The most recent statistics for Canada and the United States show that there were more than 1.4 million widows in Canada, including those who were living common law.  America has ten times our population, and naturally, the statistics for widows is about ten times greater than Canada's.  In 2018, there were 11.7 million widows in the USA.  As the populations of both countries age, the number of widows grows.

There's comfort in numbers.  There's something reassuring about widows talking to other widows - discovering that they are not crazy to still hold onto a pair of his boots, or not being able to let go of shirts that are still hanging in the closet months, or years later.  

There are many on-line groups for widows, and I have found listening and sharing is healing and empowering.  To widows reading this, you are not alone.
 

One final note, relating to the garden gate...the invisible and visible doesn't just refer to life and death.  Many widows say they feel invisible.  Widows are thought of as frail, octogenarians, living in isolation.  They are in fact, young women, often living in isolation.  The average age of a widow in the US is 59 years old, and the average age in Canada is 56.

Sometimes the isolation is self imposed.  Many widows, particularly in the early months are contrary:  not wanting to be left out or excluded, and yet, not wanting to be around anyone.  If you are a friend, call them anyway, they may decline the offer, however, it will mean so much that they were thought of.

Even going to a celebration can be overwhelming for a widow.  It is a full in the face reminder that even surrounded by friends and family, they are alone.  The very person they may wish to share the joy with, isn't there.  

As I said in the beginning, every single day is widows' day.  From the moment her head hits the pillow, and all through the night until sunrise, the empty place in the bed is a reminder of being alone.  Every time a widow steps out the door, she is reminded of places and events shared with someone who is never coming back.  Every grocery trip is an aisle of his favourite foods, or if he was seriously ill, food lables which had to be carefully studied.  Eventually, it eases (after years of fanatically reading the lables of food, I never look at them anymore). 

It takes time to learn to live the life of a widow...to be just you.     

  

Photographs Copyright of:  Ruth Adams, Widow's Endorphins Photographic Images Incorporated. 

International Widows' Day

International Widows' Day is recognized by the United Nations as a day in honour of the world's 259 million widows.  It draws attention to the poverty, illiteracy, HIV/AIDS, sexual abuse, conflict, social injustice, and stigma faced by widows and their children.

It is a relatively new observance on the calendar.  It was launched in 2005, by the Loomba Foundation, at the British House of Lords in London, and takes place every June 23rd, the day Lord Loomba's mother became a widow.

Globally, HIV/AIDS, wars and armed conflicts, and poverty are the leading causes of widowhood. The United Nations reports that each year, hundreds of thousands of lives are lost due to conflicts in Afghanistan, Iraq, South Sudan, Central African Republic, and Syria; also by the Boko Haram insurgency, lives are lost in Northeastern Nigeria, Southeast Niger, West Chad and North Cameroon. The population of widows and orphans is rising significantly.  It is estimated that there are 844 million widows and orphans on the planet.

The Loomba Foundation reports that, "widows in developed countries face isolation and commonly live with severe insecurity and poverty due to lack of affordable health care and employment".  In North America, and Europe, a woman's pension can be 40 percent lower than a man's.

The Foundation says, "widowed women experience targeted murder, rape prostitution, forced marriage, property theft, eviction, social isolation, and physical abuse".  The Foundation reports that of the 38 million widows who live in extreme poverty, many are forced to engage in "exchange sex and survivor sex" to live.  Their children, "face horrors such as child marriage, illiteracy, loss of schooling, forced labour, human trafficking, homelessness, and sexual abuse".

The United Nations' Secretary General, Ban Ki Moon, asks that we all, "pledge to make widows more visible in our societies, and to support them in living productive, equal and fulfilling lives."  He says the UN's 2030 Sustainable Development Agenda, with its pledge to leave no one behind, "has a particular resonance for widows, who are among the most marginalised and isolated."

The Loomba Foundation raises funds to help widows change their lives for the better.  To date, the Foundation has, "educated over 10 thousand children of poor widows, and supported over 60 thousand of their family members", in India. They offer skills and equipment training, and business advice for widows who want to start their own businesses, or find employment.  They are currently looking for donations to purchase sewing machines, and sponsor more widows.

Photographs Copyright of:  Ruth Adams, Widow's Endorphins Photographic Images Incorporated.