Widow's Endorphins: Honeymooning for Beginners

Widow's Endorphins: Honeymooning for Beginners: We knew we'd be in bed together by afternoon. We had never even held hands! The imbalance between knowing someone so well, and not ...

Honeymooning for Beginners

We knew we'd be in bed together by afternoon. We had never even held hands! The imbalance between knowing someone so well, and not knowing them at all, was overwhelming. I needed the time to know him physically, to hold each other close, to kiss and caress one another. 

Cam and I met 43 years ago, when I was twenty years old, and he was ancient...like, thirty. He was also married. We worked together in the newsroom of Vancouver radio stations, CKWX/CJAZ, and formed a lasting friendship. I moved East, living in Quebec and Ontario with my late husband, and mother, for three decades.  

I was recently widowed when we reconnected on Facebook. It was as if we had never been apart. For the next five years, Cam and I "spoke" every day. His daily photographs of sunrises on the Salish Sea, lifted my spirits, and motivated me to return to the Westcoast. Over the years, our mutual affection and support for one another has been witnessed by hundreds of Facebook friends, or as I like to call them, "our chaperones".

We loved one another. I often told friends that he was the perfect man for me, but he was married. We never crossed that line. Until he was very recently widowed. We allowed ourselves to open our hearts, and speak the truth to one another. We love one another. We are also in love with one another. 

We aren't getting any younger! We know how precious life is. Cam says time is generous. We have been given a great gift of time together.  

Last month, I boarded a seaplane from Vancouver to Vancouver Island, and a new life with my man. Within minutes of stepping off the seaplane, I was climbing a stone staircase towards Cam. He began walking backwards, leading me towards a circle made of inlaid stones. It was there, inside that stone circle, that we had our first kiss...43 years in the making. 

The slow drive home was our first date, and we discovered the joy of fish and chip picnics on seaside park benches. Although we are not married, our family and friends have referred to our early days together as our,"honeymoon". His sunrises, are my sunrises.

Cam is my happily ever after. The red roses which he placed in the living room of our music-filled home, are now dried, and preserved for the anniversary of my arrival on the Island, when they'll be scattered in our stone circle. We are blessed.

Rose Photographs by: Ruth Adams, Widow's Endorphins Photographic Images Incorporated.
Image of Ruth and Foxglove by: Campbell McCubbin

Widow's Endorphins: National Widow's Day

Widow's Endorphins: National Widow's Day: Alone, in the midst of a global pandemic. For my American "sisters in sorrow", this National Widow's Day is especially l...

National Widow's Day

Alone, in the midst of a global pandemic. For my American "sisters in sorrow", this National Widow's Day is especially lonely. Although many widows find themselves virtually abandoned by friends and family at the best of times, this year, is unprecedented. Physical isolation has meant that many widows are completely alone.    

We're all experiencing a degree of the kind of isolation felt by widows every single day. Living day after day without human connection can be lonely. Many widows refer to this as existing, rather than living. There's always Facebook, phone calls and Zoom, to reach out and connect. For most widows, the very person they most want to reach, is dead. That number is not in service.

It is not unusual for widows to preserve the voicemail recordings of their loved one. There's something strangely comforting about hearing the voice of someone who is gone from this world. Somehow, their unique voice is more alive than a photograph. I remember the panic I felt when, a few days after Brande died, I could not recall the sound of his voice. Then, I remembered a phrase he used to say to me in French, "quelle belle femme", and I heard his voice in my head again.

Now, more than five and a half years of widowhood, I am happy. Very happy. So, this is being written to those who are still in the early, lonely years of being a widow. The grief journey is walked at your own pace, in your own way.  

One day we were a couple, together every day, the next, I was single. I had to learn to be alone with myself. I rediscovered myself in the most joyful way possible: through the music of my youth. Listening and dancing to Motown and 60's rock, struck notes deep inside of me. I remembered me. Me before we were a we. 

She never left me. That girl is always there, ready to come out and play. She is not alone, either...there are many kindred spirits out there!

Even if you are in lockdown, get out for a little walk today. Keep two metres (about six feet) away from anyone else, and wear a mask and gloves. The exercise, fresh air, and Vitamin D rich sunshine are all great for your body...and your soul. 

Photographs Copyright of: Ruth Adams, Widow's Endorphins Photographic Images Incorporated.

Widow's Endorphins: Earth Day Birthday

Widow's Endorphins: Earth Day Birthday: Happy 50th Birthday, Earth Day! April 22, 2020 is an Earth Day birthday like no other.  Tree huggers are totally embracing technolo...

Earth Day Birthday

Happy 50th Birthday, Earth Day! April 22, 2020 is an Earth Day birthday like no other.  Tree huggers are totally embracing technology! 

Rather than day long celebrations and rallies, in parks and on the streets, millions upon millions of participants will use technology to gather virtually. The Earth Day Network, which describes itself as, "the world's largest recruiter to the environmental movement", with 750-thousand partners in 190 countries, says it has the collective power of, "one billion individuals mobilized for the future of the planet". One billion people in their living rooms, or seated at the kitchen table. The Earth Day Network says that while the corona virus has forced people to keep their distance, "it will not force us to keep our voices down." The environmental movement has never been silent.

In 1962, Rachel Carson's book, Silent Spring warned of the destruction of our water, soil, and air due to the use of pesticides. She raised awareness. Smog, oil spills, polluted rivers catching fire, and the American Eagle being near extinction, were reported on the evening news. Less than a decade later, the first Earth Day was held. On April 22, 1970, Americans took to the streets, arenas, and college campuses, in protest. Twenty million Americans, or, about ten percent of the US population at the time, participated in the event.

This is an Earth Day unlike any other. It's a year unlike any other! What we have witnessed in the last few weeks, is that we are coming together, while being apart. Technology has connected, and reconnected us. Earlier this month, Zoom, the online teleconferencing site, reached more than 200-million people per day, compared with 10-million daily participants in December.

Earth Day is believed to be the largest civic event in the world. This year, it will happen online. For 24 hours, the Earth Day Network, "will fill the digital landscape", with live-streamed global conversations, performances, video teach-ins, and calls to action. 

The Network says that no matter who you are, or where you live, you can make a difference. This year's theme is Climate Action. The Network says, "climate change represents the biggest challenge to the future of humanity and the life-support systems that make our world habitable".

The past few weeks of industry shutdowns, planes on tarmacs, and cars parked in driveways, has shown how dramatically the Earth heals, when given a chance. Clean air, pure water, and healthy soil, are not impossible.  

A final note...I created birthday cards for Earth Day's birthday. The images are a departure from my usual photographic style. Computer technology was used to create painterly, watercolour images from my original floral photographs...and I didn't spill any paint on the floor!

Widow's Endorphins: Anticipation

Widow's Endorphins: Anticipation: Anticipation: a feeling of excitement about something that is going to happen in the near future. We're all feeling it, as we im...

Anticipation

Anticipation: a feeling of excitement about something that is going to happen in the near future. We're all feeling it, as we imagine being with friends and family once more. We imagine what we'll do when the world is ours once again; when we're free to travel anywhere, dine out, or go to concerts. 

Springtime in Vancouver! I've been anticipating it for decades. The ribbons of pink cherry blossoms lining city streets, the Sakura groves in city parks, and private gardens, and even the petal snowfalls at the end of the season, have been on my mind for nearly thirty years. I was not going to let a global pandemic stop me from capturing the fleeting beauty of cherry blossoms.

 

I saw them way back in November 2019 BV (before the virus). Even with bare branches, the vignette of a small group of cherry trees overlooking Vancouver's False Creek, filled me with anticipation. I returned earlier this month, expecting to capture their beauty with my camera. I was too early. Their buds needed a few more days of sunshine and warm weather to open. Anticipation and patience usually travel hand in hand. 

A few days ago, I journeyed two miles along the seawall walk, back to the cherry tree spot. What a disappointment! Instead of full, ruffled pink blossoms framing the blue waters of the creek, I could only see gnarly, gangly branches through my viewfinder. Things don't always turn out as we anticipate. 

I chose to enjoy the experience...to be present to the beauty around me. It was magical. Worth the wait.

While we're physically isolating ourselves, anticipating the day when we can live more normal lives, be mindful of the present. Enjoy every moment of life. My walks along the False Creek Seawall are always filled with beauty, and inspiration. The journey is the experience. Sometimes, when you're open to the world around you, you discover something unexpected, that you didn't anticipate...  

 

Photographs Copyright of: Ruth Adams, Widow's Endorphins Photographic Images Incorporated.

Widow's Endorphins: 4/20

Widow's Endorphins: 4/20: Does anybody know what day it is? When every day feels like a Sunday, you don't have to be a stoner, to find yourself asking that qu...

4/20

Does anybody know what day it is? When every day feels like a Sunday, you don't have to be a stoner, to find yourself asking that question, day after day! It's April 4th, now known as 4/20, an international day in celebration of marijuana, and protest demanding its legalization. This year, those celebrations and protests are up in smoke. The COVID-19 pandemic has led to bans on large public gatherings, so concerts, picnics and marches have been cancelled.

As for rallies in support of legalization, it's already legal - for both medicinal and recreational purposes - in Canada. In the US, eleven States, and Washington DC, have legalized pot. It's a 14 Billion dollar business in the US.

Vancouver held the world's first 4/20 celebrations back in 1995, when activist Mark Emery held a day long event calling for legalization of cannabis. The event got its name from a group of Grateful Dead fans in California who met every day at 4:20 in the afternoon to smoke pot.and listen to the Dead albums (it was the 70's).

For me (who's never smoked anything), 4/20 is more than just a number...it's this little number: Marijuana Leaves Film Noir, available through my Art of Where shop.  I love the graphic edge, and sensual curves of the leaves. This is a super sexy dress!

Canna show you more of my cannabis inspired clothing designs? There's also smokin' hot men's boxer briefs, and t-shirts!
https://artofwhere.com/artists/ruth-adams-widow-s-endorphins-photographic-images-inc-/clothing

Photograph and Designs Copyright of: Ruth Adams, Widow's Endorphins Photographic Images Inc.

Widow's Endorphins: What We Gained During Lent

Widow's Endorphins: What We Gained During Lent: If you grew up Catholic, you know about the religious tradition of giving something up for Lent, the six-week period of sobre contempl...

What We Gained During Lent

If you grew up Catholic, you know about the religious tradition of giving something up for Lent, the six-week period of sobre contemplation and repentance, which ends Easter Sunday. In those long weeks between Mardi Gras and Easter, people often ask each other, "what did you give up for Lent?" The answer is usually chocolate, carbs, or alcohol.

This year, the answer heard around the world, in Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Sikh, Muslim, Buddhist, and Atheist homes, is, everything. We universally gave up everything, from our freedom to travel, to our joy in holding our loved ones. From the right to have a neighbourhood block party, to attending a rock concert. Thousands have given up their lives. The World Health Organization reports that 99,887 people are confirmed to have died from the COVID-19 virus.

Even for those who are not among the 1,614,951 confirmed cases of COVID-19, there has been heartbreak. Life's BMD milestones - births, marriages and deaths - have all been touched by the pandemic. Weddings and honeymoons have been cancelled. Funerals are being held via Zoom, or not at all. Those who have lost a loved one in these times, are grieving alone, without comforting hugs, and a hand to hold. Friends of mine just had their first baby, born prematurely in this time of crisis. While both the mother and baby were kept in hospital for weeks, the young father was not allowed to be with them. Like a soldier at war, he could only look at pictures, and long for the day when he could hold his wife and baby in his arms. Many of my friends have a parent or parents in care homes, and are unable to visit with them. A lucky few, are able to communicate with each other through a window. We have given up so much.

We have also gained. We have gained our humanity, gratitude, deep appreciation for human connection, and above all, our love for one another. The pandemic has forced the most social of creatures - human beings - to self isolate for the good of all. We are witnessing a universal act of caring humanity. 

Nightly, in my own city of Vancouver, residents step out onto balconies and porches to loudly clap, cheer, and bang on pots, to show their heartfelt, and sincere gratitude to the frontline healthcare workers for their courage and dedication. Gratitude is also expressed in simple words of thanks, to store clerks, and security guards in grocery stores and pharmacies, who put themselves on the line, so that the rest of us can eat, and take our medication. There is also a deep gratitude for our health, and - in Canada - our healthcare system. In this country, our Federal and Provincial governments have all stepped up to provide funding for those who are out of work, and struggling to pay for food or shelter. No matter what our politics, Canadians, who've had cause for cynicism in recent years, have gained an appreciation for the good which governments can do.

More than anything, there's a sense of how important connectedness is to our wellbeing - to our very souls. We are social beings, who are meant to be with one another. The experience is giving us a sense of the loneliness and isolation felt by elderly people, and marginalized people. That empathy may give way to greater caring in the future.

Unable to physically be together, people are reaching out to connect online, and by phone. It's been wonderful to speak with people I haven't spoken with in a long time. How many of us have learned to use Zoom in the past few weeks? How many are telling friends and family that they are loved? No one is taking life for granted. There's been a transformation in our lives.

Blessings this Easter, for your health and wellbeing. May your life be richer for this experience.
I love you.

Photographs Copyright of: Ruth Adams Widow's Endorphins Photographic Images Incorporated.





   

Widow's Endorphins: How Do You Like Your Eggs?

Widow's Endorphins: How Do You Like Your Eggs?: In this time of physical isolation, I've noticed many of my friends turning to storytelling, partly out of a need to entertain one ...

How Do You Like Your Eggs?

In this time of physical isolation, I've noticed many of my friends turning to storytelling, partly out of a need to entertain one another, and partly as a way to share and preserve family history. With everyone in the family at home, feeding the multitude is another preoccupation. Have you noticed how many of your friends are learning to bake bread?

Our fridges are fully stocked with eggs - a protein which has a much longer shelf life than meat, unless of course, the meat is frozen. This morning, while cracking open the most beautiful, richly coloured eggs for our breakfast, I couldn't help but laugh, thinking of my Grandma, who was such a fabulous cook, she could cook in her sleep!

Way back in the "olden days", before self defrosting refrigerators, people had to manually de-ice and scrape the freezer every two months. My Mum would boil a pot of water on the stove, and while she was waiting for it to boil, she'd remove all the frozen food from the freezer. Then, she'd hoist the heavy pot full of boiled water into the empty freezer compartment, close the freezer door, and wait for the great melting. It was a watery mess, which usually involved four kids sliding around on the kitchen floor, a mop, and numerous towels.

Years later, my Grandma - a creative genius - had the brilliant idea to use the electric kettle, and place it inside the freezer to work its magic. She sat down at the kitchen table...and R-E-L-A-X-E-D. She woke up in a steam bath! There was water all over the floor of her steamy kitchen. Even more shocking, the kettle had boiled dry. It not only melted the ice, it melted the industrial plastic lining of the freezer!

A few days later, she was preparing a meal, and took an egg from the fridge. She cracked it open, only to discover that it was hard boiled. She cracked open another one. Then, another one. She had hard boiled all of the eggs! Grandma is the only person I know, who could have hard boiled eggs in her refrigerator! She was also gifted with a sense of humour, which allowed her to see the chaotic world as sunny side up.

Many of my friends have been sharing how, during this time of self isolation, they are reading aloud to their children, and spouses. One of the best memories I have of Grandma living with us, was of her reading aloud to my friends and me, as we gathered around the kitchen table every day. My Mum was in hospital, recovering from a near fatal brain aneurysm. That Summer, Grandma started reading lighthearted books to us, "Please Don't Eat the Daisies", and a book by a Pacific Northwest writer, "The Egg and I". Just a chapter or two each day, and all was well with the world. May all be well in your world!

 Photographs Copyright of: Ruth Adams, Widow's Endorphins Photographic Images Incorporated.

Widow's Endorphins: Cocooning Butterflies

Widow's Endorphins: Cocooning Butterflies: All over the world, people are cocooning, waiting to emerge like butterflies, into a new dawn. For those of us blessed with great heal...

Cocooning Butterflies

All over the world, people are cocooning, waiting to emerge like butterflies, into a new dawn. For those of us blessed with great health, who are not essential workers, we are granted an introspective and creative time. There's been a shift in consciousness - a transformation.

The initial fear, panic, and climbing the walls over the COVID-19 virus, has given way to a quiet resolve to do our part to protect ourselves, and everyone around us, by self isolating for two weeks. We are not the heroic front line doctors, nurses and healthcare workers, pharmacists, and grocery store workers, putting their own lives at risk, each time they care for a person with the virus, or engage with a customer. Yet, with every mindful action we take - frequently washing our hands, standing six feet apart in the grocery store, staying home - we help ease their burden.With every action we take, we do not spread the virus.    

In our homes, connected via our phones and the internet, we are apart, and yet together, everyone sharing the same experience. With almost everyone home from work, and entertainment and sports venues, shopping malls and restaurants closed, families are rediscovering each other. Parents and children are playing board games, going for long walks, learning to bake bread, having family meals together, and sharing conversation. Children kinda like this virus thing.

Musicians have risen to angelic heights, gifting us with music and song. There's been an outpouring of soulful, joyful music from all around the world. I love the spontaneous "block parties" which have burst through open windows, and spilled out onto balconies in Italy, and Spain, and Canada. 

Here in Vancouver, we have held nightly ovations for front line healthcare workers. At 7 o'clock every night, people stand on their balconies and porches, and clap hands, shout, bang pots, ring cowbells, honk car horns, blow ship's horns, and even set off fireworks for the hospital workers. It's heartfelt and exuberant.

Have you noticed the collective shift in the conversation? People who may have been anxious about being isolated at home, are now talking about what kind of world they want to create. There's wisdom in this quote I found on Facebook, "in the rush to return to normal, use this time to consider what parts of normal are worth rushing back to."

    

When this is over, emerge from your cocoon, spread your wings, and fly like a butterfly! I've been creating new clothing collections, and adding to old collections (Monarch Butterfly, Monarch Butterfly Orange Flower, Monarch Butterfly Blue Sky, and Climbing the Walls). Here are a few butterfly inspired designs for lingering and lounging a little longer at home, heading into town, or flying away!  

All clothing, lingerie and totes are found here, in my Art of Where shop:
https://artofwhere.com/artists/ruth-adams-widow-s-endorphins-photographic-images-inc-/clothing
 

Photographs Copyright of: Ruth Adams, Widow's Endorphins Photographic Images Incorporated.