National Widow's Day

Alone, in the midst of a global pandemic. For my American "sisters in sorrow", this National Widow's Day is especially lonely. Although many widows find themselves virtually abandoned by friends and family at the best of times, this year, is unprecedented. Physical isolation has meant that many widows are completely alone.    

We're all experiencing a degree of the kind of isolation felt by widows every single day. Living day after day without human connection can be lonely. Many widows refer to this as existing, rather than living. There's always Facebook, phone calls and Zoom, to reach out and connect. For most widows, the very person they most want to reach, is dead. That number is not in service.

It is not unusual for widows to preserve the voicemail recordings of their loved one. There's something strangely comforting about hearing the voice of someone who is gone from this world. Somehow, their unique voice is more alive than a photograph. I remember the panic I felt when, a few days after Brande died, I could not recall the sound of his voice. Then, I remembered a phrase he used to say to me in French, "quelle belle femme", and I heard his voice in my head again.

Now, more than five and a half years of widowhood, I am happy. Very happy. So, this is being written to those who are still in the early, lonely years of being a widow. The grief journey is walked at your own pace, in your own way.  

One day we were a couple, together every day, the next, I was single. I had to learn to be alone with myself. I rediscovered myself in the most joyful way possible: through the music of my youth. Listening and dancing to Motown and 60's rock, struck notes deep inside of me. I remembered me. Me before we were a we. 

She never left me. That girl is always there, ready to come out and play. She is not alone, either...there are many kindred spirits out there!

Even if you are in lockdown, get out for a little walk today. Keep two metres (about six feet) away from anyone else, and wear a mask and gloves. The exercise, fresh air, and Vitamin D rich sunshine are all great for your body...and your soul. 

Photographs Copyright of: Ruth Adams, Widow's Endorphins Photographic Images Incorporated.