Widow's Endorphins: Angels and Demons: In the Aftermath of Terror

Widow's Endorphins: Angels and Demons: In the Aftermath of Terror: It was a beautiful Spring day, and everyone was out walking in the sunshine.  There were elderly women with groceries, young mothers w...

Angels and Demons: In the Aftermath of Terror

It was a beautiful Spring day, and everyone was out walking in the sunshine.  There were elderly women with groceries, young mothers with strollers, and men in suits who'd removed their ties over the lunch hour. Office workers strolled slowly back to work, takeout lunches in hand, the warmth of the sun on their shoulders. After the long, cold Winter, Torontonians walked the streets of Willowdale, North York in communion, silently celebrating the arrival of better days.

In an instant, the peace of that Monday afternoon was shattered by the squealing tires of a van driven right into the crowds on the sidewalk...the driver intent on killing as many as he could.  At first, witnesses thought the driver was having a heart attack, and unable to control the vehicle.  When the driver stopped the van at an intersection, then accelerated around the corner, and continued his mile long path of destruction, it was clear they were witnessing an act of terror.

Ten people are dead.  Fifteen others are seriously, even critically injured.  Toronto is in shock, many of us still processing what happened.   North York is only half an hour by subway from where I live, yet, the events are so surreal, so beyond comprehension, it seems as if the attack happened in a far away land.  Our Mayor, John Tory says, "you sort of feel like you're in a movie, but it's real, and it's horrifying...and I felt sick, I really did". 

Toronto is the most multi-cultural city in the world.  The faces of those who were killed, injured, traumatized, the first responders, Good Samaritans who helped as best they could, and the media covering the story, are the faces of diversity.  Toronto is diverse, not divided.  This was, in my opinion, a terrorist act, yet, there is no finger pointing at a race, religion or nationality.  It was an act of terror based on the ideology of misogyny.

The 25 year old autistic Seneca College student who drove the van, and is charged with 10 counts of First Degree Murder, and 16 counts of Attempted Murder is linked to an on-line hate group, calling themselves Incels: Involuntary Celebates.  They have hatred and contempt for women, because to put it bluntly, they can't get laid.  They also fantasize about castrating the men who do have sex with women.  The parents of other autistic sons, fear such demonic groups prey on the vulnerability of their lonely and frustrated young men, encouraging violent rape and murder.

I am active in an on-line group of more than six thousand widows from around the world.  While some have begun dating again, or are now remarried, the majority could be classified as involuntary celebates.  None are screaming for blood.  Not one would fantasize about hurting another human being, and encourage others to carry out their "crusade" against happy couples.  No woman on the site would tolerate it!

Mayor Tory says, "the reaction that came was one of shock and horror, but also deep caring about the people whose identities and stories, and families are coming out." 

Constable Ken Lam was working as a traffic cop on Monday, and as his Deputy Chief says, "wasn't even assigned to that call".  He is an international hero for the way inwhich he apprehended the suspect without firing a single bullet, or taser.  The 37 seconds it took him to subdue the suspect was captured on video footage from more than one camera, and is being studied by law enforcement around the world.  

The humble son of a Hong Kong immigrant, Constable Lam doesn't want attention focused on himself, rather on the other first responders, and the Good Samaritans and witnesses who aided the injured and suffering.  Constable Lam wants us to pay attention to the Torontonians who administered CPR to strangers on the pavement, merchants who brought food and water from their restaurants and grocery shops to comfort the shocked and injured, and those who held strangers hands through the ordeal.  There are living angels among us.

At the time of writing, the #TorontoStrong fund, a partnership of the city, Victim Services and the Toronto Foundation has raised more than $1.2 Million dollars to help the victims of this crime.  When Sunnybrook Hospital put out an emergency call for blood donations, Torontonians rolled up their sleeves.  Blood donations are up nearly 20 percent.

On Sunday an anticipated crowd of 25-thousand will gather in nearby Mel Lastman Square for a night time vigil in honour of those killed and injured.  Leaders from six different faiths will speak.  For those who can't be there, please give a moment to pay tribute to the ten people who will never see another sunrise...

Anne Marie D'Amico, a 30 year old woman who worked with Invesco, an investment firm near where she was struck down.  She had volunteered to build homes for people in the Dominican Republic, could break a Taekwondo board with her hands, played on a billiards team in Vegas seven years ago, and loved baseball.

Dorothy Sewell, was an 80 year old Toronto Blue Jays fan.  She, and 94 year old Mary Elizabeth (Betty) Forsyth, who loved to feed birds and squirrels, and visit the nearby library, both died that day, along with 83 year old Torontonian, Geraldine Brady. 

Renuka Beutis Amarasingha, a Buddhist from Sri Lanka, was the single mother of a seven year old son, who also sent money home for her elderly mother.  She had just finished work at a highschool cafeteria, and was heading to the subway for her hour long commute back home to Scarborough, when she was struck.  When she didn't pick her son up from school, frantic phone calls began.

South Korean chef, Chul Min (Eddie) Kang who worked at a popular Brazilian steakhouse chain was killed.  He was 45.  Another victim of the attack was 22 year old Ji Hun Kim, of Toronto.

  

Canadian-born, Korean So He Chung was a 22 year old University of Toronto student, who worked at Holt Renfrew, a luxury clothing shop in downtown Toronto.  Another young woman, 33 year old Andrea Bradden, of Woodbridge, Ontario was also killed that day.

Munir Abdo Habib Najjar was visiting family here in Toronto.  He was from Jordan.  He was 85.

Eight women, two men...and an entire city in shock and mourning.

Photographs Copyright of:  Ruth Adams, Widow's Endorphins Photographic Images Incorporated.

Widow's Endorphins: Thank You Thirty Thousand Times!

Widow's Endorphins: Thank You Thirty Thousand Times!: I believe in celebrating milestones (actually, any excuse for a party).  It is so important to express joy, and gratitude for every...

Thank You Thirty Thousand Times!

I believe in celebrating milestones (actually, any excuse for a party).  It is so important to express joy, and gratitude for every special moment in our lives, and in the lives of those we love and care about.

Widow's Endorphins has been viewed 30-thousand times!  I am so grateful to each one of you for taking time to read this blog, look at the photographs, and perhaps share the posts with your friends.  WE could not have done this without YOU!

In just over three years, I have published 335 blogposts.  There are a few which have resonated with readers - both men and women.  Gone Fishin' from September of 2015 is one of my favourites, perhaps because it describes a turning point in grief.  Let me know if you too, see the photobombing fisherman in the shadows.  

http://widowsendorphins.blogspot.ca/2015/09/gone-fishin.html

Earlier this year, the Groundhog Day post, I'm Not Afraid of My Shadow! spoke for so many.  We all experience self doubt, often questionning whether we are worthy.  Since that February post, I've continued to push myself out of my comfort zone, and others have too.  It's been liberating.  For those who haven't read it, here it is again...

https://widowsendorphins.blogspot.ca/2018/02/im-not-afraid-of-my-shadow.html

The most popular Widow's Endorphins blogpost?  Naturally, one on gratitude!  It is with deepest gratitude to each of you, that I respost this blog, from September of 2017 called, Gratitude.  

https://widowsendorphins.blogspot.ca/2017/09/gratitude.html

The cover photograph of an apricot rose and pale pink ranunculus features the iconic Paris landmark, the Arc de Triomphe in the background (it's an empty caramel candy tin).  When I started writing Widow's Endorphins, I said that endorphins were natural pain and stress relievers, and that flowers and floral photography were my endorphins.  I know my life would not have been as rich without this cathartic process...I also know that in a sense, it has helped me triumph over aching grief.  It feels good to laugh again!

If you're curious, the top ten most viewed blogposts are:

Gratitude  September 25, 2017
Time is a Gift  March 25, 2018
Healing the World, One Heart at a Time  October 5, 2017
Fifty Shades of Pink:  If Lipstick Could Talk  March 31, 2018
Paper for the First Year  October 11, 2017
I'm Not Afraid of My Shadow!  February 2, 2018
La Vie en Rose:  Life Through Rose Coloured Glasses  April 8, 2018
Au Revoir, Mum  June 28, 2017
March Forth  March 3, 2015
Fairies, Butterflies and Ladybugs  August 27, 2017

Photographs Copyright of:  Ruth Adams, Widow's Endorphins Photographic Images Incorporated.

Widow's Endorphins: La Vie En Rose: Life Through Rose Coloured Glasse...

Widow's Endorphins: La Vie En Rose: Life Through Rose Coloured Glasse...: It's a blessing to see life through rose coloured glasses. Being an eternal optimist, seeing the best in others, and the silver l...

La Vie En Rose: Life Through Rose Coloured Glasses

It's a blessing to see life through rose coloured glasses. Being an eternal optimist, seeing the best in others, and the silver lining in every setback, makes life a whole lot easier to live.  I'm a glass half full kind of person!

 

That's not to say that optimists don't see the reality before them.  Every thought process begins in reality, and goes from there...to create a new reality...a better reality.  Visualize your life as you would want it to be.  Then, given your present circumstances, what do you need to do, to be where you really want to be?  What are your options?  Focus on that, rather than the circumstances of your current reality.

  

In the meantime, find joy in your present imperfect life.  Longing for a meal in a French restaurant?  Pick up the ingredients for a wonderful meal at home, add fresh flowers, and great music - et voila!  Can't travel the world?  Bring the world to your door!  For 32 years, I was the primary caregiver for my Mum.  I had three days of holidays - back in the early '90s!  My life is so much richer since opening an Airbnb in my home more than three years ago.  I cannot imagine my life without the friends I have made.               

Talk about a reality check...most North Americans have no idea how good we've got it.  I listened to a recent TED Talk about how most people think that on a world wide economic scale, they're about average.  When conditions such as a roof over our head, a bed to sleep on, a stove to cook on, fresh water for cooking and bathing, and a real toilet are factored, most North Americans are at the high end of the economic scale!  We are rich! 

When I was a teenager, I learned a lifelong lesson from one of the mothers in our neighbourhood.  With five perfectly dressed kids she had a lot of ironing.  It was her least favourite thing to do, but it had to be done.  Every sunny Summer afternoon, she would be on her balcony ironing -  in her bikini!  She turned something unpleasant, into a day at the beach.

Words and images are my playground.  Numbers bring on anxiety.  This afternoon, I stopped procrastinating on my taxes, and started going through all my receipts.  The paperwork has got to be done.  So, I found hours of music - Santana, Los Lonely Boys, Stevie Ray Vaughn - turned up the volume, and made the experience uniquely wonderful.  I sock danced through January and February, and am kinda looking forward to the other ten months!    

...and about that glass half full...Garcon!  Encore, si'l vous plait!

Photographs Copyright of:  Ruth Adams, Widow's Endorphins Photographic Images Incorporated.