Paper for the first, then cotton for the second year, and leather for the third. Wedding anniversaries have their own traditional gifts. A couple's 25th wedding anniversary is known as the Silver Anniversary. Couples exchange gifts of silver between themselves, or perhaps family and friends present them with an engraved silver tray. The Golden Wedding anniversary celebrates 50 years of marriage, with a gift of something gold. The rare Diamond Anniversary, celebrates 60 years together. If you survive to celebrate a near-impossible 90 years of marriage, an ominous gift of granite is appropriate!
There are no gifts for widows, observing what we call an angelversary. No lists of what every widow may wish to give herself. No suggestions for her friends looking for just the right little something.
Why reinvent the wheel? Traditional anniversary gifts, work just as well to mark each year of widowhood. Paper for the first year anniversary, is perfect, because you go through a lot of Kleenex that first year. Cotton pillowcases for the second year, because while you're still crying, you mostly do it into your pillow, and not at the supermarket (as much). Leather boots for the third year, because you have to, "stand on your own two feet", and "stand up for yourself", on this grief journey. No one would want to walk a mile in a widow's shoes.
Truly, the greatest gifts you can give a widow, are the gifts of love, friendship and kindness; listening without judgement; time; and laughter. There's no need to wait for an anniversary, either.
I am so blessed to have people in my life who include me in their lives. The love and kindness of family and friends means so much. Being remembered throughout the week, or on special occasions gives me a sense of belonging, and being appreciated. What a wonderful gift!
Widows grieve each in their own way, and all need time. One of the worst things you can say is, "get over it". Some of my widowed friends have been told this, less than a week after the death of their husband! Although the gut-wrenching pain and terror, and the zombie like days ease after the first several months, no one is ever quite the same. You don't get over such a great loss. You live with it.
Widows like to say their husband's name, without watching someone wince, or look away. So many of my widowed friends want nothing more than to talk about their happy memories with their husbands, and are stifled, or forced to change the subject. Speaking your husband's name only once a day, when he is ever-present on your mind, shows real restraint.
I don't know a widow who doesn't enjoy a good laugh. In fact, healing often begins the day you realize that you laughed for the first time in weeks, or months. Laughter really is the best medicine, and lightens up even the saddest of days. Every day, my sister, cousin, or dear friends send me a funny video, Facebook meme, or email that makes me laugh out loud. What a difference that makes!
I'm off to the jeweler. The leather strap on my husband's watch - the watch I've worn every day since he died - slipped off my wrist a few days ago. I'd say it was just in time. Today is our leather angelversary.
There are no gifts for widows, observing what we call an angelversary. No lists of what every widow may wish to give herself. No suggestions for her friends looking for just the right little something.
Why reinvent the wheel? Traditional anniversary gifts, work just as well to mark each year of widowhood. Paper for the first year anniversary, is perfect, because you go through a lot of Kleenex that first year. Cotton pillowcases for the second year, because while you're still crying, you mostly do it into your pillow, and not at the supermarket (as much). Leather boots for the third year, because you have to, "stand on your own two feet", and "stand up for yourself", on this grief journey. No one would want to walk a mile in a widow's shoes.
Truly, the greatest gifts you can give a widow, are the gifts of love, friendship and kindness; listening without judgement; time; and laughter. There's no need to wait for an anniversary, either.
I am so blessed to have people in my life who include me in their lives. The love and kindness of family and friends means so much. Being remembered throughout the week, or on special occasions gives me a sense of belonging, and being appreciated. What a wonderful gift!
Widows grieve each in their own way, and all need time. One of the worst things you can say is, "get over it". Some of my widowed friends have been told this, less than a week after the death of their husband! Although the gut-wrenching pain and terror, and the zombie like days ease after the first several months, no one is ever quite the same. You don't get over such a great loss. You live with it.
Widows like to say their husband's name, without watching someone wince, or look away. So many of my widowed friends want nothing more than to talk about their happy memories with their husbands, and are stifled, or forced to change the subject. Speaking your husband's name only once a day, when he is ever-present on your mind, shows real restraint.
I don't know a widow who doesn't enjoy a good laugh. In fact, healing often begins the day you realize that you laughed for the first time in weeks, or months. Laughter really is the best medicine, and lightens up even the saddest of days. Every day, my sister, cousin, or dear friends send me a funny video, Facebook meme, or email that makes me laugh out loud. What a difference that makes!
I'm off to the jeweler. The leather strap on my husband's watch - the watch I've worn every day since he died - slipped off my wrist a few days ago. I'd say it was just in time. Today is our leather angelversary.
Photographs Copyright of: Ruth Adams, Widow's Endorphins Photographic Images Incorporated.
Happy Angelversary
ReplyDeleteThank you, Monique xx
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